The Truth (some of you may not like this)

So after my last post I received a lot of encouragement, but also a lot of sympathy.  Thank you, but I hope I make myself clear when I say I'm really not looking for sympathy.  I know my blogs have been a little emotional, and I appreciate your concern and love- really.  But I just want to finally share the truth of my story, and hopefully shed some light on some of you on what another friend or family member might be going through.  Or that maybe I could help someone who is going through it now.

I was telling my sister the other day how surprised I was to get some of the responses especially from my closest friends and family.  What?  I've talked to them on a regular basis, why cry for me now, almost two years later?... well, I guess I was really good at telling people we were fine and that the Lord will bless us some day.  I was LYING!!!!  I never thought I was a good liar until now!!  (hmmm, what else could I get away with?)  In all honesty, I'm pretty sure I just needed to believe myself. I needed to bury my true feelings and fake it until I felt it. Isn't that what we do when we need to feel that protection sometimes? My sister explained that reading my thoughts were so raw it even surprised her- one of my closest friends/family/peeps!  When I look back I know I wanted to believe the things I would use for cover up, but I also was screaming inside that I really wanted to curl up in a ball and hide!
So here's where the truth comes in.  I really hope I don't offend anyone.  Offense is not my purpose.  But maybe I can help you help someone else one day if you don't know what to say or how to say something comforting to a loved one going through a hard time.
Also, these are my own personal feelings, thoughts, and opinions.  If you have been through infertility issues, miscarriages, heartache, etc. and you can't relate to what I'm about to say- I will gladly listen to your own opinions and feelings on it.  You're just as entitled as I am to express!

After we miscarried we decided to give ourselves the month to really mourn over our loss.  I know we were only six weeks along, and that's barely anything in comparison to a lot of miscarriages.  Most women don't even know they're pregnant at this point when they miscarry... but that's just it, we knew.  We were counting down days until we could take a pregnancy test, and let me tell you- six weeks is a very long time when you are anticipating the result every day!  So we knew it was okay to feel bad about our situation.  Our hopes and dreams were crushed and we had good reason to feel sorry for ourselves. 
Within that month I received more love and sympathy than I was comfortable with.  I was glad to get the prayers and concern, but I really wasn't sure what to say back besides "thank you, I know the Lord has a plan for us!", or something like  "We will be fine, we have faith in His plan".  B S!  We didn't know what in the world we were suppose to do!?!  We didn't know that the Lord even remembered us!  We've prayed and thought this was our answer!  Does this mean total loss?  Do we try IVF again?  Do we consider adoption?  Do we give up?  Our questions were endless and the problem with that was, EVERYBODY ELSE KNEW THE ANSWER!!     soooo....

NO NO NUMBER 1:
It wasn't a week after we found out about the miscarriage that we had THREE phone calls from close family and friends letting us know that THEY  just knew we were suppose to adopt.  When you are in the depths of despair, hearing those words no matter how gentle they are spoken, sounds a little like "Are you stupid?  Quit being so selfish and adopt a kid who needs a home instead of wasting your time trying to make your own!"
Now I am sure that was not any one's intention, but when you're already broken, (I don't care what the tragedy has been) the last thing you want to hear is what someone else thinks you should do! 
NO NO NUMBER 2:
During the process of "making babies" we really didn't get a lot of concern from our "outside" friends and family.  Of course our immediate family and closest friends wanted to know the step by step, and that was how we wanted it.  We announced to everyone we knew that we were having a  "prayer day" , so we knew most of our associates were aware of what we were doing, and we appreciated the support and prayers of everyone.  But I was actually a little surprised that more family and friends didn't want to know the juicy details.  I guess if it were me on the other end, I would want to know.  But that's just me...
After about a month (I'm a little blurry on the time details), we received two random messages
NO NO NUMBER 3:
I'm pretty sure that between Bart and I we could count in the 100's how many times we heard the story "they started the adoption process and miraculously got pregnant on their own!".  It got REALLY old REALLY fast!  We didn't want to be rude about it, so we gave everyone the "Wow, that's amazing! Maybe that's what will happen to us" response.  But in reality we really weren't sure we were ready to resort to adoption.  We had only tried IVF once!  How many times did these other people try to make their own babies before they decided to adopt?  That part of the story always seemed to be left out.

I know I sound down on everyone who is trying to offer their help and support.  And I really don't mean to.  It's water under the bridge for me now.  I know they are just trying to relate or offer guidance.  I know everyone wants us to have our prayers answered.  I really do KNOW all of this!  But if I can help someone else who's having a hard time, by helping you understand how it might feel to have "advice" offered, then it was worth the blog. 
I once read an article about couples going through failed pregnancy or infertility issues, and in a nutshell it pretty much sums up to the fact that when you try to have a baby for so long, whether you miscarry or not, and it fails- it's exactly like loosing your child.  Except you're loosing all of your children, your family.  So it's okay to let someone feel sad and mourn for their loss no matter how far along they were or if they never did get pregnant.  It's a validated devastation!  So if there is anything you should or can say that would mean the most it would be "I'm sorry for your loss"...  that's all it truly comes down to.  When you are living through your own personal little hell in life, all you really want to hear and all that really needs to be said is "I'm sorry".  Nobody can fix anyone Else's problem.  Nobody can change the situation.   So, "I'm sorry" is all you need to say.  BUT, like I said, this is just my opinion.