Adoption

 I think it's only natural for us as women, mothers, parents to ask or wonder about adoption when it comes to infertility.  I know it's usually the first question that comes to my mind when I hear about someone having a hard time getting pregnant- and I'm going through it!  It's not a silly question, and it's not insensitive if it's asked in an appropriate conversation.  If you would have asked me ten years ago what I would do if I couldn't have kids, it would be a no brainer!  I would adopt most definitely!!  My dream would have extended to traveling around the world and saving children from an orphanage who never stood a chance to have a normal life.  I think we would all love to consider ourselves like the Jolie/Pitt family!  Of course we think of how we would be the Savior's of these destitute children and give them the best life possible!  Then why haven't we adopted yet?  Let me explain a little before I answer that question.
 When you are preparing to start a family, you hope and wonder about who your children will look like the most.  His eyes and lips, my skin and hair, grandma's nose, grandpa's height... etc.  You get excited about how adorable your children will be!  Isn't it the first thing you start looking at when a child is born- who it looks most like?  It's exciting!  The big surprise!  I love surprises :)  Bart and I were no different.  We dreamed of how cute our kids would be.  How they would be so sweet and tender hearted-  they would never scream, cry in a grocery store, or bite another child (haha!).  Maybe we were a little beyond reality, but we did dream about how we would love them so much because they would be ours.
 I'm not saying when you adopt you can't raise your children to be sweet, or that you don't love them the way you would if you were to have birthed them yourself.  I've had many discussions with parents who have adopted.  ALL say they don't even think about the fact that they didn't come from their own genetics.  ALL say it's as if the Lord gave them these children just as they would have from their own womb.  ALL say they would go through all the heartache of not getting pregnant on their own again just to have this child in their lives (some even do have their own children).  ALL have convinced me they were led to adopt their child/children at the right time in their lives.
 Bart and I have had hundreds of conversations about adoption.   Who and what agencies we would approach first.  If we would want an international adoption.  If we would be willing to take on an older child.  If we would want to try fostering before adoption... the list goes on.  There are so many things to consider when you decide to adopt. And there are also a lot of fears when it comes to adoption- one of which is the haunting fact that... it's not a guarantee! Even if you have the baby in your arms at home, there is still the chance of the birth mother taking that baby back! HOW AWFUL!!! It makes me physically sick and emotional just thinking about how painful that would be to wait so long for a baby and then have it taken away from you! But aside from that, still how long have people had to wait for a baby? I know there are many who don't have to wait long. But there are also those who typically aren't used as role models who have waited years.  I will also admit, with shame, that we've had other reservations about it. There's always the wonder or fear that something would be wrong with the child physically or mentally. And you can almost always count on at one point or another in that child's life that something emotional will come out of adoption. How do you raise this child to know they are loved and cherished when clearly their first parents didn't want them? I know everyone has the answer to this in their own way, and you're all probably right. But it doesn't change the fact that when the child is growing in the womb, it's not you who is constantly expressing your love for it like you would if you were carrying the baby. It's not your voice, your genetics, or your love from the very beginning of cell memory. I know once that baby is placed in your arms you will love it and give it everything you can. I really do know and believe it. I guess, unless we go through it, I will never quite get over that small fear of our child not believing how important they are in my life and him wishing they were with their biological parents instead. Maybe that's therapy I would need to get before the process happens :)
So what is our absolute answer to adoption?... we don't know YET!


 I have had few words of comfort concerning our lack of "push" to adopt.  One coming from a woman who couldn't have children of her own, but never had the desire to find out why. They chose to adopt right away and knew it was what they were suppose to do.  She reminded me that, yes there are a lot of children out there needing good homes and parents, but there are also a lot of amazing couples who have been waiting a long time to be accepted by someone to receive a child. 
The second discussion I had was with my Visiting Teacher, (a woman from my church) who has adopted four kids.  All of them have an awesome story as to how they adopted each child.  But initially after ten years of trying to have their own children they finally received the confirmation by the spirit that they needed to adopt.  Until then she never had the desire.  She reminded me that Bart and I are the only ones who can receive the answers to our prayers.  Everyone can help pray for us, but nobody can tell us what we are suppose to do.  That was something I really needed to hear, because I do know that if we were suppose to adopt now or five years ago it would be happening or have already happened!  I wish it were that easy for us!
  ON THE OTHER HAND-
I would like to give my opinion and advice to any of you who are or would consider giving a baby or child up for adoption...
As much as I would love to be a mother now, and as much as I have dreamed of being a mother my whole life- I can not even begin to imagine the amount of pain anyone would have to go through emotionally to give a baby up for adoption.  I know that it's been said when you are told you can't have children, it's as if you have lost all your children.  The mourning and pain is so great from this loss, this is one I've experienced.  So to give birth to a child and give it away is absolutely unfathomable to me! To be able to carry and feel a child inside of you, would be so amazing (in my opinion).  You are so blessed to have that gift.  Something that so many of us would love to experience.  As a woman who would love to get pregnant and birth my own child, I envy your position of getting pregnant; however, I am completely aware that if you have chosen to give the baby up for adoption, you got pregnant in an unfortunate circumstance.  I understand, to an extent,  that this unfortunate circumstance has caused you much grief and pain.   Maybe you really would love to be in a situation to keep it, or maybe you just want it out and done with... either way, I hope you can remember that a woman is out there praying for you.  A woman is out there praising your name.  A woman is out there feeling so humble and blessed that you are going through the pain (physically, emotionally, and spiritually) for her!  I have spoken to many women who have adopted, and every one of them have said how much they love, respect, and praise God every day for their  birth mothers!  You are an amazing person to be so selfless.  This is truly a gift from God that you are giving a family, who is ready, and have been ready for a long time to take your child in their home to love and cherish and adore.  Most women feel the motherly instinct and battle with keeping the baby.  It's natural!  But there are so many families out there ready for the responsibility.  Who can afford to give the baby a good life.  Who desire more than anything to care for your baby the way you may not be available to!  If you are trying to decide what is best for you and the child, please consider how much you will bless another couple who have been trying to start a family for years.  These people usually have been through years of pain- through miscarriage or infertility, and suffered so much heartache and loss.  So when you choose this couple, you can know without a doubt, you are the answer to their never tired and ending prayers!  You're a blessing for them.  You are their only hope.
  My religion and belief helps me to have an understanding of what life will be like after death.  I believe that through proper repentance we can all live an Eternal life as an Eternal family again with our Heavenly Father and brother Jesus Christ.  With this said, I feel that a birth mother and the adopted family are included as an Eternal family with the child.  We don't always understand things in this life, but I do truly believe the Lord has an Eternal plan to keep you all (birth parents & adopted parents) connected to each other on a bigger, brighter scale.  There's a purpose in all things.  Trust in the Lord to guide you in the right path for YOU.  That's my advice and that's the advice I'm living.  I hope it works out the best way for all of us in the end!