FORGIVENESS IS AN ACTION WORD

It's been a long time since my husband and I have been home for Christmas.  We sort of like it that way, not because we don't want to be around family- we do get homesick to be around family around the holidays.  But we also really enjoy being able to focus on the true meaning of Christmas and the peace of the Holiday's.  When we go home there are so many loved ones we are trying to visit and evenly spread our time between family members that it becomes an exhausting trip.
This year we invited my mom and step dad to come spend Christmas with us.  This is the first time my mom has been away from her grand kids for Christmas, the first time both of them have visited us together, and the first time in over ten years that they have spent a full Christmas holiday together...
My step dad has had a hard life- abused as a child, Vietnam vet (who has seen more than his share of gore and hardship), and a lifetime of, off and on, drug abuse.  He has had to overcome a lot in his life, and in the meantime has hurt almost everyone who has ever been close to him- including my mother and family.  He made a choice and did something unmentionable to hurt our family to the core.  Almost to the point of separating our family.  My mom chose to stay with him, knowing that if she didn't stay with him to help him overcome his trials, he would have no hope in life.  And her actions have proven true so far.  But with her choice came a lot of anger from her own kids- my siblings and their children.  We have all felt betrayed by her as well. Over time it has been easier to forgive her and let her back in our lives, but not her husband.  Holiday's and Birthday's became a time where she had to choose to spend with us or him but never both, and it ripped her to pieces.  She was never totally happy during a time of "happiness". 
Tom raised me.  He helped me find who I was as a daughter of God, a precious person in the world- as we all are.  He was there when my own dad didn't know how to be.  He was my father figure.  So when this happened it rocked me to the core.  I was so heart broken.   This was also about the time I met and married my husband.  Bart is naturally a protective person, so his response to everything going on was to protect me.  He vowed Tom would never be a part of our lives.  I am naturally a forgiving person.  I don't want to hold on to anger or resentment for the sake of my own peace of mind.  So with wanting to respect and honor my husband's wishes, we didn't have anything to do with Tom for many years.  As time goes on we all make changes in our lives.  A few years ago, Bart's own father gave him some advice that the Lord gave to all His children.  "I will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men" Doctrine and Covenants 64:10
Bart told me he was going to forgive Tom.  It wasn't his responsibility to judge him, it was the Lord's.  He was going to let go of the anger and move on to accept him as a part of my mom's life and ours in turn.  It still took a few years to allow him to be a part of our lives.  We would give the lip service by saying we forgave him, but didn't make much of an effort to see him or be around him.  Finally a few months ago, I talked to Bart about inviting them here for Christmas.  It was a big step to say the least.  We weren't sure if it would be awkward or uncomfortable to have him here.  But, we figured there was only one way to find out how to go about it.  Not to mention for the past- however many years, my mom has been so torn between families.  So here was her chance to get both at once.
She was excited to get the invite, and to all of our surprise so was Tom.  They found great flights and would stay a week.  After everything was set in place Bart and I made our ground rules we would stick to so we didn't set ourselves up for anything uncomfortable.  But at the same time, we prayed to have the spirit in our home so everyone would feel comfortable and have a good Christmas
I went to the airport to pick them up, and as soon as I got there I couldn't wait to see them... both of them!  From the minute they got in the car to the time they had to leave it was nothing but pure ease and comfort.  It was like there was a complete cloud lifted from our thoughts and minds about how this trip was going to go, and it turned in to sunshine instead.  Our ground rules became null and void.  There was a lot of conversation between all of us about the therapy Tom has been through in the last twelve years and what he learned throughout the years.  There were things he discussed with Bart about PTSD
Now having gone through the Holiday with my parents here, it wasn't until we were driving home from taking them back to the airport that we (Bart and I) had the chance to talk about them and the experience of them being here.  When it came down to it, we realized that forgiveness often comes out as lip service.  Do you really forgive someone by saying "I can forgive, but I won't forget"?  I'm not sure any more.  I have come to a deeper meaning of forgiveness in my life- I knew I wanted to forgive and forget, but it wasn't until I allowed myself to act upon the word.  I know now that I have truly forgiven Tom for his past.  My world is lighter.  My spirit is peaceful.  I can accept Tom as my family as long as he continues to progress, and I hope and pray he will continue to work toward the progression of a healthy and controlled life.  I also admire my mom more for accepting the challenge of staying with Tom to help in through his trials, it certainly hasn't been easy for her.
After this experience, my deepest desire is that when I meet my Savior again he won't just look past me and say "I can forgive you", but that he will take me in his arms and hold me tight  while saying "I love you and I forgive you".